


Mean Skeletons

by cypherd



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bathroom Sex, F/F, F/M, I'm not sure if anything else but I think I've covered all the bases, M/M, Multi, NSFW, Selfcest, nebulously described tentacle porn, pain play, references to Mean Girls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 15:19:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17164385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherd/pseuds/cypherd
Summary: My Secret Santa this year for the Undertale Secret Santa was for MeGaLOTrash here on Ao3 - and this involves a LOT of Papyrus - including some Papcest (PapyrusxEdge) - some references to Mean Girls - getting off on pain, bathroom sex, implied RedxSans and Undyne/Alphys, a satellite FxF OC romance and the general idea that doing yourself or at least someone who has the same name as you is a really fun narcissistic fantasy.I really hope you enjoy this.





	Mean Skeletons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MeGaLoTrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeGaLoTrash/gifts).



> I don't know exactly where I got it in my head that Papyrus should be in medical school but somehow the idea took with me - there's like a whole long thing where Undyne has something to do with it in her idea of teaching Paps to cook because Monster food heals. And I like sitcoms and teen movies so I guess enjoy!

“Papyrus?” The sound of his name was punctuated by a knock on his door and he bolted awake.

“STARS! I HAVE OVERSLEPT MYSELF!”

If anyone had told him that he’d ever be the kind of monster to sleep through his alarm clock, miss breakfast - or worse, eat an unhealthy one - well then…they’d be right there with him. Considering the fact that at the time of this prediction of an unlikely event in his future, neither he nor his hypothetical fortune teller had probably never worked two double shifts in a row at a human hospital. He did however manage to find clean scrubs and his lucky scarf was definitely pulling double duty as a do rag today. Papyrus wasn’t much of a believer in luck over skill but given the auspicious start to his day he had the sneaking suspicion that he could use all the extra luck in the world today, whether the concept be real or otherwise.

“Made you waffles.”

His roommate Gina was clearly sent by the Angel, and not because of her waffle making abilities; they were of the frozen off-brand ilk. Exhaustion and an empty stomach were no friends to emergency room doctors be they monster or human. The two had met in medical school and interned at the same hospital. To Papyrus it felt like a grown up move to have a roommate who wasn’t one’s brother; particularly during moments when he could still feel the pull of the lingering guilt spiral whenever he was reminded of how much Sans had done for him; from the paying of bills to the many, many groceries he had ruined in his misguided and Undyne-fueled pursuit of mastering cooking.

Still, spaghetti disasters aside, they had led him here, to the surface and his true calling as a healer. A ‘doctor’ as the humans would say. As he would say. Because he was. A doctor.

“Will you need a ride home?” he asked her, taking the time while she buckled herself into the passenger side to force down a bite of bland but warm toaster waffle.

“No, I’m there all day.” she paused. “And, please tell me you’re not Papyrus. I know you and trust me, taking those double shifts constantly isn’t going to make anyone like you any more than they already do. Might make them walk all over you more maybe, but not like you.”

“You will be happy to hear that I am going home at a respectable seven o'clock…to do scut work.” He finished.

“Well can’t help that.” her face softened. “Besides it’s only because I think you’re pretty maxed out on the most possible like any person ever could give. I’m in the lab until nine so I’ll take the bus and pick up groceries on my way home. Unless you think you can make something out of baking soda and a half an onion.”

“Not even the Great Papyrus can work miracles.” he grinned. “Unless they are in the OR! NYEH HEH HEH!”

It was on that somewhat more positive note that they parted ways, Gina headed to her hematology lab and Papyrus off to check his surgical schedule, wondering perhaps if had jumped to conclusions about the whole course of day, on account of the heinous crime of sleeping in.

He said hello to a few of his colleagues and found his name on the board next to Doctor DiVerra, whom he quite liked as a surgical lead. A few appendectomies - not too exciting - and a debridement of…

“Hey Papyrus! How lucky are we!?”

“Well I consider it lucky to save lives on any day.”

“Yeah but the guy?” he tapped the board next to the debridement he’d been looking at with a finger. “He’s an FBI guy or something and it’s a bullet hole! DAMN! That is the coolest thing ever! See ya in there!”

“Yes!” Papyrus stored the information away to tell Undyne. She would definitely agree with the human- er- Doctor Ryan’s assessment of the situation. Something to post on social media at lunch.

The honour to work on one of the surface’s equivalent of the Captain of the Guard and something awesome to tell his best friend was honestly letting him strongly reevaluate his whole daily forecast.

The fact that it was nine on a friday and his other favourite hospital friend Kyle from HR wasn’t there to hand out paychecks meant…oh yes, he was on holiday this weekend. That meant Myron who was too old to walk more than ten feet from the office was covering him, therefore he’d have to go check his cubby.

And say hello to Myron. Myron was a friend too.

Indeed, there was his paycheck, what seemed to be a flyer reminder for a lecture series that the Chief of Surgery (and therefore Papyrus) would be definitely attending (to see who amongst the surgical staff had attended) …and…oh.

….Ah. This was the reason for the ‘bad day’ feeling.

The black envelope with the red delta rune royal seal sat propped against the inside of the mail slot innocuously enough, but Papyrus could feel his mood, then nonexistent heart sink, followed closely by his non existent stomach and several other intangible things to boot.

There were a great many things to love and to learn about the surface world. Papyrus had mastered many of them (making friends. School.). He could admit how misinformed he’d been about much of it (making spaghetti…to start.) He didn’t even have to get on his high horse about how he’d been right about monsters and humans being able to do better - his whole ability to do his job at all hinged on it (first do no harm). However, what he hadn’t been able to wrap his head around was well, the other Universes.

His brother and…the…’other Sanses’, got along like King Asgore and Golden Flower Tea. It was nice, he supposed. Nice to see his brother thinking about physics and science and sleeping more often because they were exhausted from working hard which he knew perfectly well was a lie he was telling himself about what they were really doing….

…and people sometimes called him the narcissistic, self-absorbed one.

Moving the head thoughts back on a less disgusting track. The Sanses got along. It was a fact. They enjoyed their grease-food, lazy afternoons muddled with science and terrible joke-telling-good-netflix-and-chill company.

He had been looking forward to having similar connections. New friends! Who were him! With whom he could talk of his school and his cooking and their brothers! But the Papyruses were…

***

“…well it’s not that I don’t like them. They’re…me, right? I just thought they’d be a little more…me.” he gestured at her as he furrowed his brow, hoping she would take his point. Monster things sometimes took a LOT of explaining, sometimes even to the sharpest of human friends.

Gina had managed to eke in her lunch around his insistence, nodding at him around a bite of whatever sandwich was on the cafeteria menu.

“Now I have to go to this wedding.” He pushed the envelope across the table and she took it up. “It’s Asgore–Not our Asgore, the Underfell…scary black and red…one.” He waggled the invitation again to illustrate. “And he’s the…least Papyrus-y Papyrus! Kind of. There’s one that’s really lazy but…Ah this one? He’s mean. It’s not fun to share your name with someone who looks like you but is just…mean.” he finished up rather lamely.

His roommate swallowed her bite of food. “That’s the scary goat guy right? The one who is marrying that human girl?”

Papyrus nodded.

“First of all, that’s crazy. She’s like five feet tall or something. You have to wonder how they do it right? Second of all, try sharing your name with a bitchy blonde high schooler.”

“Oh. Hey that’s right! I never think of Mean Girls when I think of you.” Papyrus noted, missing Gina’s snort of laughter. “Though maybe that is because you told me to call you Gina.”

“Sure. That’s part of the reason but see? There you go! I promise you NO ONE is going to get the two of you confused. Besides, your brother will be there right? And also this guy’s a King so the food will be decent. Take some tupperware along and we can splurge on something more exciting than the frozen food isle.”

Papyrus shook his head. “You know I do believe I was mistaken when I was sure only my brother did that. Now I know it is a bad habit practiced by all Grad students.”

“You’re going to do it aren’t you.”

“I’m going to do it.”

“You are truly the Great Papyrus. And this time, write ‘Monster Food ’ on it PLEASE. Last time we had unlabeled Monster food in our fridge I nearly scheduled myself for a colonoscopy when I didn’t poop for a week.”

Papyrus had to admit that some of the language and imagery of the conversation aside, he felt slightly better going in, but his wave was still a touch weak as he was forced to bid her farewell when her colleague summoned her back to the depths of the lab.

***

Spending almost all day every day in a Human facility with human coworkers and patients made walking into a hall of wall-to-wall monsters almost wildly disconcerting, particularly when a number of the guests included ‘alternate universe’ versions of Monsters he was friendly with and slightly off-model versions of himself.

He hovered near the entrance, alternately checking his phone and scanning the room for what felt like the umpteenth time. Sans had said he would ‘meet him there’, but a change in lifestyle and the surface world had done little to improve his brother’s punctuality. There was a small knot of humans hovering awkwardly between the bar and the buffet-style table; apparently the friends and family of the bride. He spotted Queen Toriel and (their Universe’s) King Asgore - the both of whom had perhaps not ‘patched things up’ but were at least willing to share air space with one one another. The former Queen of the Fellverse did not appear to be among the assembled guests and Papyrus killed a few moments wondering if one or the other iteration of Toriel or indeed both viewed the other’s presence or lack thereof as a power play.

One was not best friends with Undyne without learning a few choice phrases…or a part of Alphys’ D&D campaigns - be it willing or not. 

Growing antsy and tiring of monster-watching, it struck him to go and check the place cards. He was delighted to find he was table mates with his brother, Undyne and Alphys and the Fell version of Sans but not his brother - who had been Captain of the Guard in the Fell-verse and therefore was probably seated at the head table. More unusually his card was the only one remaining under their table numb–

“Heya bro…”

Papyrus swung towards the voice on his left and gave a short yelp as he was faced with gleaming red and the glitter of a poorly set gold tooth.

“NYEH! YOU’RE NOT—”

“Heh heh heh, toldya it’d be priceless, Red.”

Sans - his Sans - had appeared on his other side, leaning against Papryus’ arms akimbo stance as he chuckled.

“JUMP SCARES ARE THE GREASY JUNK FOOD OF FRIGHTENING PEOPLE! AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?”

“Yeah we’ve been here for awhile.”

“Enjoying the facilities.”

Papyrus took in the state of Red’s undone bowtie and wrinkled tuxedo jacket and his own brothers’ wrinkled…t-shirt with a tuxedo jacket pattern airbrushed on the front and suppressed both the mental image and potential aneurysm in favour of scooping his brother up and forcing his way into the reception hall.

“Hey no need t’get so huffy! Sex in the bathroom is practically traditional.” Red called after him.

 

Papyrus refused to give him the satisfaction.

Their table was quite near the front but he had not spotted Undyne nor Alphys as they had been blocked from view by Toriel, Asgore and their throng. Married life had mellowed Undyne somewhat and he suspected it was as much a relief to talk to him and the group than the preferred one-on-one quiet conversations of her wife. She had indeed found his FBI surgery patient story very cool at any rate. He even found himself briefly the center of attention when she pressed him for details of some of the more gory proceedings.

“D…doesn’t it bother you?” Alphys asked. “Th…the…”

Papyrus paused. “Not really. After all Humans don’t think they’ve killed Monsters because they spring clean their houses, right? And their bodies are like intricate puzzles!” His eyes lit up as he continued talking. “It DID make me feel weird the first time I saw a bone though, but I put that back together!”

Sans positively beamed. “That’s my little brother.”

It almost felt like old times, when they had moved to the surface, though Undyne eventually turned from him to rescue her wife; although she had more interests in common with Red and Sans, Red was apparently much more able to dominate a conversation thread than Alphys.

As it turned out he didn’t have to worry about it for much longer as the ceremony had begun. The reception and ceremony were to be performed in the same hall, given the size of the group and from the sight of guards 01 and 02 from both the Fell Verse and from their own amongst the crowd, clearly for security as well.

While ‘their’ Asgore had retained his title as King, many of the others had taken up a variety of Embassy positions, the Fellverse Asgore being one of them. Papyrus had expected ‘their’ Asgore to preside over the ceremony as he had with Undyne and Alphys and a number of other couplings regardless of Universe.

It was therefore a surprise when the figure who made his way to the front of the room to initiate the proceedings turned out to be none other than Papryus’ own Fellverse Doppelganger. He was dressed in a high collar with what looked like a Roman collar.

The effect was rather ruined by Red’s echoing loud snort of laughter. Heads were turning their way and Papyrus wanted to shrink in his seat.

“Sa–” he began out of habit, but to his great delight he noticed his own brother sharing his (or at least as much as Sans ever got) own stern look and cut himself off.

“Cough. Sneeze.” Red sneered at the onlookers, who slowly turned back around. “Not a sneeze.” he stage whispered to Sans. “Boss got himself ordained on the internet. He did not listen when I told him it didn’t mean he had to wear the collar.”

Sans’ responding but mercifully low laughter made Papyrus want to crawl under the table and never come out, not to mention a note of sympathy for Red’s brother. After all, he had initially tried to wear his white coat and stethoscope everywhere. How else would anyone know he was a doctor? In an attempt at a show of solidarity, he turned his attention to the proceedings and summoned every last ounce of determination to stay focused on them.

“LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND MONSTERS OF ALL UNIVERSES.” Fell Papyrus’ (Edge was it?) voice rang out bell clear, hushing the room fully into silence. Out of the corner of his socket, Papyrus watched Alphys decide mid-way through against whispering to Undyne that the thought could wait and even Red sat up a little straighter. At least the tinge of jealousy that went through him was mild. He’d commanded a crash cart, something far more important.

“Our Underground was harsh. Uncompromising. A glorious challenge.” Edge continued. No one moved. “Love was hard to come by. So much so that we had forgotten that it had more than one definition. The Love that our King and the Human - Ethyne have found did not come from defeating another in combat or by taking a life. It was freely given. It was built on trust, on the desire to forge understanding between our two worlds….”

The rest of Edge’s speech dimmed as Papyrus’ vision seemed to have gone strangely too-bright, then blurry. His sockets seemed to be leaking as well and he chanced a quick glance around the table before giving them a brief scrub with his napkin. If anyone had noticed they were keeping mercifully quiet about it, at least for the time being.

He gave a soft sigh as Edge continued about the charity work that Asgore’s new wife to be had done and the part it had played in redefining Fellverse Asgore’s definition of Love.

Papyrus thought back to his conversation with his roommate. It was highly unlikely that Regina and Edge would ever meet, or even that she would gossip about his complaints about his other-Universe counterparts on the extreme off chance she would ever meet them. She wasn’t the type. He could walk out of here free and clear with no one the wiser. Not his brother, not Red, not the bride or groom or that Madjik by the chocolate fountain.

But he knew he owed his counterpart something. Being the Great(er) Papyrus, he would not allow that moment to pass him by.

Speaking of his roommate and certain promises he had made, he excused himself at the first available opportunity, undercover of the photographers and immediate family converging on the couple for the first round of congratulations, pictures, insistence on smooches (apparently Fell-Asgore lifted his new bride for that) and other displays of affection and other intrusive personal questions about their new life together.

There was an open bar that Papyrus didn’t have to hear the telltale twin noises of teleportation to know that his brother and Red were about to take full advantage of and a buffet table where he was going to begrudgingly keep a promise to a friend.

Even he had to admit that doing this felt sort of wrong but coming home from department events in med school with vegetables, appetizers and leftover salad to put in the fridge had always saved a few dollars from shopping trips. It was definitely better than borrowing money from Sans at any rate.

He produced the tupperware from his inventory, took one last look over his shoulder. No one was paying any attention to him. There was a human putting shrimp and cocktail sauce on a plate and a Vulcan apparently attempting to fit as many miniature sausages with hot mustard into its head as was possible.

Maybe it would help with the underlying guilt if he was thoughtful about it. There was a crab apple salsa he thought Gina might like, crackers to go with it. Someone had helpfully placed cards on ‘Human’ Food, so he tried to stick to that.

Okay, let’s see. Some golden flower tea cakes and–

“Heh, I kinda thought we were gonna be the on’y ones doin’ that.”

“WHY YES! IT IS MOST FRUGAL! MY COUNTERPART HERE IS QUITE WISE!”

Papyrus nearly sent the carefully packed tray flying but recovered himself before food splattered the floor and he made a spectacle of himself.

Instead he very carefully and not at all suspiciously placed the top on the container and placed it back into his inventory.

“Hello…” Even when feeling guilty, his traitorous mandible almost spit out the words ‘cannibal me’. “…Crooks. And Axe.”

“Well now, you can tell us where everything good is.” Axe’s tone was light, but that enormous red eye bore into Papyrus like a drill. If sometimes he imagined his brother could see into his SOUL, Axe definitely could.

They had been monitored carefully when their universe had crossed and they didn’t do /that/, cook /that/, eat /that/ anymore…

…somehow, he’d been maneuvered in between the Horrorverse Sans and his own frightening counterpart…

…and somehow here he was thinking about Edge and his speech again. Actually, that was a good thing. Think about his revelation. Give these Horrorverse skeletons the benefit of the doubt…

“Hey! Pap!” Undyne’s shout carried from across the hall where she was depositing a sweaty-looking Alphys back into her seat. In a moment, she was bounding towards him and he barely had enough time to breathe a sigh of relief before she was by his side. “C’mon, I need a dance partner with a little energy! It’s a human thing, it’s great! They call it the Electric Slide! Sounds dangerous!”

“I…” There was still time to take the coward’s way out. Nurse his hurt pride. Go home and work on his car or catch up on scut work or see if Gina was back from her girlfriend’s to go out and see a movie. But deep in his SOUL the encounter with his Horrortale doppelganger had only increased his desire to find Edge.

As he floundered in his attempts to dodge Undyne’s attempts to force him onto the dance floor, a figure, tall and proud with sharp bones slipped into the venue hallway from one of the side doors.

“Here! I think you’ll find Crooks here is a suitable dance partner.”

He managed to catch hold of his dentally-challenged counterpart’s elbow, just as Undyne managed a particularly forceful bid for his presence in whatever wedding custom was being introduced, whirling away from her, letting go of Crooks in the process and beelining for the door before he could see the result of his impromptu matchmaking efforts.

The door closed behind him, muting the sounds of the party. A few lights were on, pointing the way to restrooms and some kind of lost property come administration office, but no other humans or monsters - skeleton or otherwise seemed to be about.

There was still time to give up.

Papyrus walked on.

He’d just come to the very end, past the table that still held the open guest book. Maybe Edge had gone home for the night or he’d been mistaken about what he saw or–

“OWIE!” Papyrus yelped in spite of himself as the door opened right into him, just as he turned, admitting Edge.

“Sorry.” the other Skeleton grunted without pausing, brushing by Papyrus so close he could smell the cigarettes, spinning a telltale story of what he had escaped to go do.

Shaking off the pain of having his elbow and knee whacked by a door, Papyrus (barely) hobbled after Edge. “Wait!”

Edge continued walking.

In desperation to get the other’s attention, Papyrus raised his head and yelled the only thing he could think of. “SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU!”

Edge wheeled a hard 180 to face Papyrus, his filed teeth set in a grim line. “First of all, Doctor.” he spat the title. “I have no more lungs to ruin than you do. Second of all, I have not had a cigarette in years and I will have one now if I so choose.”

Papyrus’ sockets furrowed as he rose slightly from rubbing his sore kneecap. “I know that of course! As I am an excellent doctor!” he shook his head. There was no need to get defensive. In fact, that was the opposite reason as to why he was here right now. “I just wanted to get your attention.”

He tried to ignore the singularly haughty look that spread over the other Skeleton’s face. Something approaching amusement, with just a touch of superiority. As though he were the older brother instead of two skeletons of the same (relative? probably?) age. “Well you have my attention now.”

“Yes. Yes I do. Where to begin. I was thinking that…I could not understand why our brothers get along so well and we do not.”

Edge’s expression had slid from amusement back to neutral from the moment Papyrus had started to speak. “I do not recall us ever speaking before now. I am aware of who you are as I must be. This world is not our world and I have made sure to learn the dangers of it. You do not qualify. Your brother’s friendship with mine does not qualify and therefore it was not necessary to antagonize you or indeed immerse myself in your sphere.”

“That’s what…I meant. I mean. I had misjudged you and from your speech tonight I can see that’s not the case. I am sorry.”

This time there was a noticeable series of changes in the other Skeleton’s expression. Confusion followed by dawning comprehension and then straight on into fury. Not the overblown anger reserved for the worst of Sans’ pun arsenal nor the kind of righteous rage a soldier such as Edge would have had to exact on criminals in his duty as Captain of the Guard. This was a cold, calculating kind of fury and Papyrus did not need Edge’s slow prowl towards him to recognize that it was very much directed at him.

“So let me get this straight.”

Papyrus backed up on instinct, chancing a glance over at the party hall, still bleeding thumping strains of music. One of the bride’s human guests coming to use the facilities would have been a welcome save (no time to appreciate the irony) from the situation he now found himself in.

“You believed that my LV, My EXP was something I wanted? That I wanted the top position in the Royal Guard as a means to more? Like some petty street thug? That’s what you thought wasn’t it? Because I was from…” he rolled his eye sockets. “…Underfell?”

Dimly Papyrus was aware that it was in fact very impressive that Edge had found a way to express exasperation and sarcasm while still coming across as extremely menacing. He was also aware that his heel had struck a back wall in his literal backpedalling and furthermore that Edge’s question was not rhetorical and he was in fact expecting an answer.

The solid wall behind him gave way and it was only through his own years of training that he managed to catch himself.

 

The reason became adamantly clear; they were in a rather narrow hallway and he had just made a dramatic escape into one of the human restrooms.

Edge entered a moment later, continuing his bid to corner Papyrus. It was in this moment that Papyrus finally stopped, allowing the other to close the distance.

“Yes. I did think that.” He said simply. “I wanted to apologize for it I guess. It’s nice that you have found a new career in human religion on the internet. Also, this.” He gestured at the threatening near-gapless distance between them. “Was cool.”

Edge’s sockets narrowed and his jagged jack-o-lantern grimace split wide. “Very cool.” he rasped, rearing up like a cobra to get into Papyrus’ space. “While this apology is duly noted, I will admit that it is not the LOVE or the EXP that interests me at all, but rather–”

And with a sudden moment, he lashed out.

Papyrus for all his career path had changed was after all, a Papyrus and he snactched the targeted hand back, only a hairsbreadth not quick enough, causing Edge to catch him by the fingers instead of the wrist. It didn’t stop him from forcing his arm behind his back like a perp being cuffed over the hood of a police car against the row of lavatory sinks.

“–the cha—”

Just as Edge had been about to deliver his coolest one liner, another of Papyrus’ instincts caught up with the situation.

“NYAHHHOOOHSTARS!” His already incredible volume echoed embarrassingly off the marble bathroom tiles as Edge froze up, still clutching his fingers in an incredibly painful pinch which had almost immediately become the least awkward thing about the whole situation.

When Edge had pressed him up against the counter top, sending pain blossoming up his arm at the unnatural angle and pinching his phalanges in a crushing vice it had also been at just the right height to have the fabric of his pants rub right against his pubis, grinding the zipper into straight bone.

Years of training (and plenty of practice with a brother who could teleport) had taught Edge not to be startled into distraction from a suspect for any reason, but even he couldn’t help but let out a flat “What.” by way of response.

“I’m SORRY!” Papyrus was certain that any second now the countertop would start melting from the force of his burning embarrassment. Edge would have to start moving because he was so orange he was his very own moving attack.

“Nyeh heh heh!” It was too disconcerting to hear his own laugh above him that he couldn’t even begin to eke out the meaning of it from his counterpart.

“You like this, don’t you” The hand squeezing his phalanges gave another tight squeeze, pressing them uncomfortably into new positions until the magical joints popped in protest of the treatment. “I think, Doctor that you didn’t just go into healing to help all the innocent little humans, admirable as that is - and I do find it admirable - but it would be much easier for you to fix your own pain as well. Am I right?” Edge punctuated this with a tug upwards on Papyrus’ fingers, forcing his hand back at the wrist. There was also a definite - tentative but definite brust between their pelvises.

Papyrus didn’t trust himself to speak, but he nodded his head in the affirmative, letting out a gust of a breath he was relieved did not turn into a second moan, loud or otherwise.

“That’s what I thought. Well, since you were so certain that we were so different from one another, given our much harsher living conditions.” Edge purred. “I assume you were right in one respect. You may enjoy pain and perhaps healing the pain of others. I on the other hand, enjoy dishing it out.”

The pressure on Papyrus’ hand suddenly went lax and his arm flopped to his side from the sudden lack of pressure. It ached, though nothing compared to his pride and he pushed himself slowly away from the sink with shaking hands.

He could feel the magic starting, but the gloss black fabric was merciful, covering any indiscretion. He pushed away from the sink, raising his head to meet Edge’s gaze over his shoulder in the reflection.

It was not an expression of disgust or even menace. Simply questioning. Are we doing this? Is this alright? Continue?

“Yes.” Papyrus breathed and it was on, the world dissolving to black around each other as Edge’s clawed fingertips managed to wrest Papyrus’ shirt free from his cummerbund without tearing the delicate fabric. His hands moved beneath the other Skeletons’ shirt, grasping at the ribs and yanking down, even as he managed to knee Papyrus’ hip back into the wall. A halo of whirling red bones started behind Edge’s head. As clouded as Papyrus’ mind presently was, the effect put him in mind of a painting he’d seen once in a human church…

And then Edge was pulling hard on his ribs and he couldn’t think any more.

“Harder!” was his only available command, jolting hard to the left to put pressure on his spine from something jutting from the back wall - the radiator knob or the towel dispenser perhaps.

Edge eased the wonderful pressure on his ribs and he whined in protest, but it was cut short when the other mercifully tugged down the zipper to his pants, and slid the fabric down over his hips to reveal the swirl of magic at his pelvis. Not fully formed yet; Papyrus’ intense control gave him quite the range of genitalia to work with - something he had heretofore shared with no one but a few well-checked private moments and some equally well-hidden sex toys.

As the trousers hit the floor, so did Edge, as Papyrus swept his leg beneath him. No blue magic was involved; it had not been a bid for freedom and so the expression on Edge’s face was nothing but absolute delight. It earned him another echoing moan and spike of pain from the other Skeleton slamming his shoulders back into the wall hard enough to make his knees buckle and slide until they were both seated at eye level.

Their teeth clacked together not a second later, Papyrus could feel the scrape of Edge’s sharpened teeth as they poked into his conjured tongue, almost hard enough to draw marrow and magic from him, not hard enough to cause consequence to his HP.

He felt his magic brush against Edge’s in a much lower place; with no particular direction on that score, his body had made up its’ mind for him. The appendage was phallic in nature and Papyrus had in his line of work seen plenty of human genitals to know what they looked like.

This however was something a little thicker, more tapered near the end and though firm, much more prehensile and it surged for Edge’s conjured pussy, eagerly feeling its way around the walls.

It also allowed him to attempt to thrust with Edge’s arms pinning him, in a way that to do so well made his shoulder sockets pop and strain in a most pleasing way.

Edge’s growls had become more erratic, his hold firm but loosening ever so slightly.

Finally the Underfell skeleton’s sockets winked out and he reached out, grabbing hold of Papyrus’ spine, right through his open shirt and ribcage and squeezed. Papyrus screamed. If his spine had been someone’s throat he would have choked to death. His tentacle-like cock went rigid and he came with a gasp, buried to the hilt inside Edge.

***

“Time honoured tradition.” Red’s expression mirrored Sans’, a little strained as the amusement over hearing someone getting it on in the washroom at a wedding warred with the fact that it was also in both cases, family.

“Fun narcissistic fantasy.” Sans agreed with him,

Red marched outside with his cigarette, putting a merciful extra barrier between them and the nyehing of their respective younger brothers getting their rocks off. “I’ll take that bet though.”

Sans cocked a brow bone, moving downwind of Red’s cigar smoke. “What bet?”

“Eh, yer bro was right about one thing. Mine’s a huge sap. They’ll be dating within the month. Ain’t just a bathroom thing.”

Sans shrugged. “What the hell. You’re on.”

***

“Papyrus? Are you home? I got stuck in the lab for two hours overtime.”

There was a rustle of fabric and the thunk of something being set down on the table. “You must be! I sme—”

He wondered how this must look. If he’d been his brother he would have been laughing. Edge was technically shorter than him by an inch or so but with the jagged scar, filed teeth and imposing dress sense of black leather it looked like someone had cloned him and gone in a very different direction on what ‘cool’ meant.

“You can put that…filth in the fridge.” Edge sneered, but the comment was softened by the fact that he added. “Eat with us.”

“Green curry and rice.” she held it up and moved to put it the fridge as commanded.

“INTRODUCTIONS!” Papyrus exclaimed, a little too loudly. “THIS IS EDGE!”

His roommate stepped forward to take the proffered gloved hand, but her eyes briefly met Papyrus’ as she nodded. “Hi. I’m Papyrus’ roommate, Regina.”

***

Somewhere across town, the distant sounds of not so trousled bones as money exchanged hands could be heard.


End file.
